FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
