just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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