and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
