How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
