Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We need to get me chipped asap
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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