On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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