he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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