there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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