Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
