a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
