i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize