I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
