I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
