They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
