I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
