Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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