But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize