Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
