It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
