Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
