I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
