For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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