My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
