i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
