He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
