I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you will always have a special place in my vag
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sext me about skeletons
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
