oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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