walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
