She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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