Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Houston, we have a blender
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
