I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
