can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
