just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
