evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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