I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
