So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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