drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
