i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
