The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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