shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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