the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
