oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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