maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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