i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
