Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
