We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
