All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
