"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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