we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
