Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
