He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dicks are not precious.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
