I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
