Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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