Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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