i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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