its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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