Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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